


Crux

by sweetlikesugar



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Canon Compliant, Gen, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Introspection, Minor Violence, POV Aaron Minyard, Relationship Study, Smoking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-22
Updated: 2020-01-22
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:08:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22361605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweetlikesugar/pseuds/sweetlikesugar
Summary: Aaron thinks Josten needs to get his own lies sorted out before he starts looking at Aaron like he knows him.
Relationships: Aaron Minyard & Andrew Minyard, Kevin Day & Aaron Minyard, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Neil Josten & Aaron Minyard, Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard, Nicky Hemmick & Aaron Minyard
Comments: 10
Kudos: 94





	Crux

**Author's Note:**

> a companion piece to [ crux of the matter](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22160929%20rel=)

Aaron doesn’t like outsiders. Outsiders mean friction, outsiders mean having to open yourself to being seen and judged. Outsiders could become your own.

And that’s the biggest threat.

* * *

Aaron dislikes Josten off the bat. His jaw strains with the effort not to snarl when Josten performs his little act of defiance, lying to Wymack easy as breathing, demanding explanations like he has right to any knowledge.

Under heavily medicated eyelids, Aaron watches Andrew’s eyes spark.

_Motherfucker,_ he thinks, watching Kevin push Josten through countless drills. He watches Josten scurry around the field like a prey animal, faster, faster, _faster,_ lest they see you. Lest they catch you.

Aaron knows many liars, but none of them as shameless as Josten.

* * *

Eden’s Twilight is a blur of neon, a rush of dopamine out of a ziplock bag, and a beat pulsing through his veins like liquid silk. Aaron knows Josten saw the waitress slip him a piece of peace along with his drink.

Aaron thinks Josten needs to get his own lies sorted out before he starts looking at Aaron like he knows him.

Through the stifling wall of writhing bodies and a haze of Kevin’s warm back somewhere close, he makes out Andrew hiss at Nicky’s drunken fumbling.

He tips his head back and gets lost in heaven.

* * *

Josten starts asking.

Andrew starts giving.

* * *

Aaron knows how giving Andrew is. He knows Andrew will give just to take, pry your ribs apart and make you thank him for giving you more space to breathe. 

Andrew gives just so he can hold it over you, hold you hostage with a promise you never asked for, feeding you poison with not enough honey to hide the fact that you’re choking. 

He sees Tilda wrapped around the steering wheel more often than not, hates riding shotgun, especially when Andrew is driving, hates Andrew looking at him with pity as if Aaron is a child ignorant to how the world works.

Truth is Aaron knows all too well.

He buys another piece of heaven in the neon paradise.

* * *

  
  


They enter hell because Josten asks.

Aaron feels his lungs collapse in Nicky’s parents' house, hands numb and colder than ever before, warmed only by the dying man’s blood on the grip he has on his racquet as he deals blow after blow. It sprays over his face, his chest, up to his nose, into his mouth. He licks it off his teeth and _burns._

_How dare you, how fucking dare you, I never wanted this, I never asked you for this, I hate you, I hate you, I HATE YOU--_

Someone holds him back and he lurches, more animal than man _(I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU, HOW DARE YOU--)_ and goes limp only after Andrew calls for him, fucking bastard, empty-eyed and content when he makes sure Aaron is alright.

(He’s not fucking alright, never has been, never asked for this, burns for some manufactured bliss, he never asked--).

They take him away in handcuffs and he thinks he should’ve taken a swing at Josten while he was at it.

* * *

“Glad you asked?” Aaron drawls, eyes lidded. He licks the phantom blood off his teeth, tastes only nicotine.

Josten looks at him like he has nothing to hide. Aaron thinks that this guilt may be the first honest emotion Josten has felt since the cradle (filthy little liar, rabbit of a fox).

“Aaron” Nicky murmurs, too subdued to chide him properly.

Kevin stares ahead, eyes unseeing and Aaron lets himself be lulled by the hypnotic roll of his wrist as he swirls the liquor in his glass (must be nice to _forget--_ ).

“I didn’t-”.

Aaron is tired.

“But you did. I know facing the consequences of your actions is a new thing for you” his voice dips into a whisper of a growl. “Your lies can only take you so far”.

Josten’s eyes flash, cold and dangerous.

“Your skeletons are too big for your closet. One day they will spill out”.

He tilts his head back and closes his eyes.

“And you won’t be the only one to pay the price”.

* * *

The buzzing under his skin is unbearable. He wants to strip off his flesh, claw his way out of his ribcage, he’s craving things he hasn’t touched in years.

He wants a moment of stillness, a few minutes of empty contentment, just a _little--_

“Don’t”.

He glances at Nicky who watches the tremor in his hands with soft concern that makes Aaron’s stomach roll. He stuffs his hands in his pockets.

“Fuck off”.

“I’m serious. You’ll hate yourself”.

Aaron almost laughs, because he only ever hated one person, really.

“Fuck off”.

He finds a pack of cigarettes and chain-smokes them on the roof of the tower, the sour taste that’s distinctly Andrew clinging to his palate, as he watches Josten run laps like a lab rat in a labyrinth. _(Pathological liar, little rabbit playing fox, can’t outrun your lies no matter how fast you are)._

* * *

Aaron watches Kevin dissociate.

He’s wearing thin, thinner than any of them. Aaron wonders how long until he finally snaps in half.

Aaron watches Kevin drown in the last sip on the bottom of the bottle and thinks _must be nice, wish we could--_ and hesitates before prying Kevin’s fingers away from the glass, wincing at the stench of anguish on Kevin’s breath.

Kevin grasps Aaron’s fingers like a lifeline (Aaron’s hands are just as cold as the glass so he can’t blame Kevin for his confusion, really--) and looks up at him, eyes glassy and red-rimmed and so tired. He looks back and a quiet understanding passes between them, the same bone-deep exhaustion. 

He passes Kevin the cigarettes and collapses on the other side of the couch, burying himself in his work, all walls back up.

(He knows Kevin mourns a different loss and that insight makes bile crawl up his throat, acid clinging to the roof of his mouth).

* * *

It goes to hell when Josten disappears.

Andrew has Kevin by the throat and for a second Aaron freezes, chest tight like Andrew’s vice grip holds him instead.

There’s a power struggle. Aaron watches Kevin’s lip twitch slightly, pity and understanding in his eyes.

“Stop it, Andrew” he hisses, watching wide-eyed the five-fingered imprint Andrew left behind, catches the glint of a blade retracting.

Kevin chokes and sputters, pulling air greedily back into his lungs. Aaron glances at him for a split second.

Andrew stares at him, eyes bright and frightened. (Aaron didn’t know Andrew could feel fear. He didn’t know Andrew could feel anything other than watery amusement).

“Only Josten knows what the fuck is going on”.

Andrew keeps staring and for a second Aaron’s spine locks as he recognizes that look of cold deliberation, the moment of fragile stability before a blow cracks against his cheek, and he holds his breath.

Andrew lowers his eyes and Aaron can breathe again.

There’s no penance in his brother’s gaze. Not that Aaron expected any.

* * *

Aaron startles at the sound of the bathroom door kicked open.

He watches Kevin stumble out, head straight for the cabinets. He winces when Kevin raises a bottle to his lips, the bruised skin around his throat ripples around his swallows.

Kevin slams the bedroom door behind himself and Aaron is left alone on the couch, Andrew and Josten on the roof somewhere, Kevin already probably halfway through a dissociative episode. 

He closes his eyes and breathes.

He wishes for a zip lock bag of manufactured bliss.

  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> it's me again, peppering in the fact i will die for aaron minyard  
> as always, leave comments/kudos if you enjoyed and you can hit me up on [ tumblr](https://mindlesslittlefreak.tumblr.com) or [ twitter](https://twitter.com/raccoon_dad) if you wanna gossip


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